High Control Groups, Religious and Political Extremist Groups, MLM

Mental health support for people leaving, questioning, or recovering from high-control groups, cults, and extremist movements, and for their loved ones.

Being drawn into a high-control group is a form of manipulation, not a sign of weakness or gullibility. These groups use many of the same tactics whether they are religious, political, online, or ideological in nature: a slow building isolation, control over what information you trust, intense loyalty demands, and punishment for questioning. People are often drawn in during a hard season of life, looking for belonging, purpose, or answers. Leaving, or even just doubting, can be disorienting and lonely.

We help adults and teens who are navigating current or previous:

Leaving a high-control religious, political, or ideological group
Spiritual abuse and religious trauma
Online radicalization and extremist communities
Rebuilding identity and relationships after exiting a group
Family estrangement connected to group involvement
Worry about a loved one who is being drawn in

What This Might Sound or Look Like

Being told that if you leave, you’ll lose your family, your community, or your salvation
Claims that only the group has the truth, and that outsiders, the media, or “the system” can’t be trusted
Pressure to cut off anyone who criticizes the group, including family
Doubts framed as something wrong with you, never with the group
An online community that started with jokes and memes, and slowly moved toward blaming or dehumanizing a group of people
Slow build up to donation requirements or “volunteering”
“Working” paid or unpaid for the organization so often you become sleep deprived

How This Might Feel

Confused about what to believe, or who you are without the group. Afraid of what happens if you leave, or guilty for having doubts at all. Isolated from people outside the group, and unsure whether they’ll welcome you back. Embarrassed about beliefs you held or things you said. Grieving relationships, community, and time you can’t get back. Often, leaving a high control situation can be dangerous, ostracizing, and permanent.

If any of this feels familiar, you’re likely feeling disconnected from yourself and your worldview. Wether you chose the environment that was controlling you, or you were born into it, therapy can offer a nonjudgmental space to process what you experienced, rebuild your sense of self, and reconnect with the people and values that matter to you.

Next Steps You Can Take

You don’t have to have fully “left” to start talking to someone, questioning is enough. Give yourself permission to take in outside information at your own pace, and to not have all the answers right away. Reconnect with people outside the group, even in small ways. Often times you might feel that you have burned all of your bridges, but you would probably be surprised to know who will actually pick up the phone. If you are planning to leave, think through the practical side first: where you’ll stay, access to your own money, your ID and important documents, and who you can call. If anyone threatens you for leaving, or you are worried about your safety, call 911.

If you are the loved one of someone in a high control situation, be patient. Research shows that belittling, demanding, or giving ultimatums does not improve the chances of an individual leaving a high control situation, in fact, it could push them further toward manipulation. In order to best support our loved ones as they navigate high control situations is let them know we are there for them. Offering yourself as the person who can pick them up when they’re ready to leave is a lot more effective than cutting them off because they’ve chosen this high control situation.

Talk to a therapist about the grief, guilt, and confusion that can come with this — needing time to untangle it all is normal. In-person sessions are available in Plymouth, Michigan, and telehealth is available anywhere in Michigan.

Reputable Resources

International Cultic Studies Association (ICSA) resources for survivors, families, and friends

Recovering from Religion, free peer support for people questioning or leaving their faith — call 844-368-2848, chat online, or find a peer support group at recoveringfromreligion.org. Freedom of Mind Resource Center — freedomofmind.com. Open Minds Foundation, education on coercive control — openmindsfoundation.org. Michigan 211 — dial 211 or mi211.org.

Former members can use ICSA’s online library of survivor stories and research. Reading about others who have left can make your own experience feel a lot less isolating.

Leaving extremist or hate-based movements: Life After Hate’s ExitUSA program offers free, confidential support from social workers and peer mentors who have left violent extremist movements themselves. You don’t need to have it all figured out to reach out.

Families and friends worried about a loved one: Parents for Peace runs a confidential helpline for families facing a loved one’s radicalization — 844-49-PEACE or parents4peace.org. For parents of teens, the Parents & Caregivers Guide to Online Youth Radicalization from American University’s PERIL and the SPLC explains warning signs and how to start the conversation.

Ready to talk? Book a free 15-minute intro call.

You may also find these pages helpful: Abusive Relationships and Gaming & Loot Boxes.